she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
