Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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