I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
