You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
