six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
