you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
