i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
