I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Congratulations! We have a period
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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