she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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