you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
