any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
