i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
