When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
