3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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