sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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