im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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