let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
