Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
