I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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