So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
