don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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