So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
