mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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