I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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