i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
