420 ftw
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
