Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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