Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
