I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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