I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
