but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I didn't notice because vodka
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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