Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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