i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We are all done wearing pants today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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