omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're too hungover to prance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
