The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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