The best revenge is premature balding
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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