ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
