Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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