Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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