Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
