Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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