I want to have your abortion
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
