is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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