Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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