I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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