you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
