You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want to make a zoo with you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she pinky promised me she was 18
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im on a boat
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