I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
