the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hippo gnu deer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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