The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
