Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
