Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
