I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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