She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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