Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
