Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
