so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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