Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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