Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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