be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
