Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
