North Korea, Best Korea!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
