you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
