Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
