I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish my penis had an off switch
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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