you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
