I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
