i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
