When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
