8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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