You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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