Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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