I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
